Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel. The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager, “Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed.

These two are so old and drunk, I’m not wasting two of my girls on them. They won’t know the difference.”

The manager does as she is told, and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business. As they are walking home, the first man says, “You know, I think my girl was dead!”

“Dead?” says his friend, “Why would you say that?”

“Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her.”

His friend says, “I think mine was a witch.”

“A witch, why would you say that?”

“Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck and I gave her a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window!”

Two drunks enter a hotel late at night.

They approach the night-clerk, and one of them says, “Could you please give us a bed with two rooms?”

“You mean a room with two beds?” asks the clerk. “Whatever, whatever you say.”

So they get a key and somehow to stumble upstairs to their room. After fumbling for ten minutes, they even manage to get their door open.

As they stumble inside, the door closes behind them and they are in total darkness. They go forward slowly, and both fail on the bed closest to the door. “Ahh,” says one, “Now we can get some sleep at last.” As they try to rearrange themselves, they suddenly realize that they are not alone in their bed.

“Hey! There’s somebody in my bed!” says one of them

“There’s somebody in my bed too!” says the other. “Let’s get rid of them.

We paid for this room and we’re going to sleep in the beds!” says the first. They start a tremendous struggle. They heave and push until eventually one of them throws the other on the floor.

“ALL RIGHT!!” he shouts, “I’ve thrown mind off the bed.”

“You are lucky,” says other, “ I got thrown off and I’m too tired to flight any more.”

“Well, never mind,” says the first, “Why don’t you just come and share my bed. Let’s get some sleep round here.”

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

A police car pulled up in front of Grandma Bessie’s house
A police car pulled up in front of Grandma Bessie’s house, and out stepped Grandpa Morris. The officer politely explained, “Ma’am, your husband said he got lost in the park and couldn’t find his way home.”

Grandma Bessie stared at Morris and said, “Lost?