Jay calls up the doc at 2 AM. “Doc, my wife is having severe abdomen pain. I think it’s her appendix.”

“What nonsense!” says the doc sleepily.

“I took out your wife’s appendix two years ago. Go back to sleep.”

Five minutes later, the phone rings and it’s Jay again. “Doc, I’m sure it’s her appendix.”

“Oh God!” the doctor groaned.

“Did you ever hear of anyone having a second appendix?”

“No…,” says Jay. “But I’m sure you must have heard of someone having a second wife..!!!!”

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A blonde brought her baby to a doctor. After examining, the doctor right away determined that the baby had an earache.

He wrote a prescription for eardrops. In the directions he wrote, “Put two drops in right ear every four hours” and he abbreviated “right” as an R with a circle around it. Several days passed, and the blonde returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil.

The doctor looked at the bottle of eardrops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label:

Put two drops in R ear every four hours. ==============================================
Doctor Simon is known throughout London as one of the best consultants on arthritis. He always has a waiting room full of people who need his advice and specialist treatment.

One day, an elderly lady, slowly struggles into his waiting room. She is completely bent over and leans heavily on her walking stick. A chair is found for her.

Eventually, her turn comes to go into Doctor Simon’s office. 15 minutes later, to everyone’s surprise, she comes briskly out of his room walking almost upright. She is holding her head high and has a smile on her face.

A woman in the waiting room says, “It’s unbelievable, a miracle even. You walk in bent in half and now you walk out erect. What a fantastic doctor he is.

Tell me, what did Doctor Simon do to you?”

“Miracle, shmiracle, he just gave me a longer walking stick.”

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Two doctors, Dean and Gable, are treating a man with lung disease. They’re explaining how his sm.o.king w*d has led to his condition worsening. “But it’s just herbal!” the patient protested.

“How can it be bad?” Dr. Jenkins sighed. “Nature isn’t all innocent.

Apricot stones contain lethal amounts of cyanide. There is a certain plant in my back garden – if you sit under it for just 5 minutes, you will die. Just because it’s natural doesn’t mean it’s safe for you!”

The man seemed to accept that, and promised to stop his smoking.

After he left, the doctors went to lunch. As they were sitting down to eat, Dr. Smith asked, “Oh by the way, what IS that plant that kills you if you sit under it?”

“A water lily.”

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Oliver`s wife, Amelia, and kids all came down with the flu.

Upon returning home from the pediatrician`s office with his four kids, he turned his attention to his ailing wife. After preparing some chicken soup for her, he picked up the phone to call her doctor. The receptionist picked up and he related the situation to her.

She then told him that the office was going to be closed for a couple of days, but that his wife could have an appointment in 3 days. Oliver went ballistic and yelled into the phone, “Three days?! The doctor can`t see her for three days?!

She could be dead by then!”

Calmly the voice at the other end of the line replied, “If so, would you please call to cancel the appointment?”