A blonde and a brunette were taking the elevator to the lobby from the 25th floor. On the 23rd floor, a great looking man with ruffled hair gets into the elevator. The women exchange a look acknowledging just how good looking this man is.

The man gets off the elevator on the 12th floor. The women watch him exit the elevator. The brunette turns to the blonde and says,

“God was he good looking, but someone ought to give him some Head & Shoulders.”

…

..

. To which the blonde replies, “How do you give Shoulders?”

A middle-aged woman has a heart a.ttack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she has a near-d.eath experience.

During that experience, she sees God and asks if this is it. God says NO and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live. Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck – you name it, she had it.

She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she’s got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it. She walks out of the hospital after the last operation when she is k.

lled by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrives in front of God and asks, “I thought you said I had another 30-40 years?”

“Oh, ” Said God. “I didn’t recognize you.”

A man is trying to understand the nature of God, time, and the Universe.

He asks God,

“How long is a billion years to you?”

God says, “A billion years is like a second to me.”

The man asks, “Well, how much is a billion dollars to you?”

God says, “A billion dollars is like a penny to me.”

So the man says, “God, can I have a penny?”

And God replies, “In a sec.”