When Eric showed up to our first date with roses and a monogrammed keychain with my initials, I thought I’d hit the jackpot. He was charming, attentive, and even pulled my chair out for me. We met through mutual friends — Mia (my best friend) and Chris (his roommate) — so I felt pretty confident going in.

He insisted on paying for everything, smiling as he said, “A man pays on the first date.” I thanked him, a little impressed by his confidence and manners. The conversation was decent, and while there weren’t fireworks, he seemed sweet and respectful. That night, I went to bed feeling hopeful.

Finally, a decent guy? Maybe? The next morning, I woke up to a text.

I expected something cute, like: “Had a great time. Hope to see you again.” Instead, I got… an invoice. No, seriously.

An actual itemized invoice titled: “Date Night – Amount Due.” Here’s what it said: Bouquet of Roses – 1 hug, Custom Keychain Gift – 1 coffee date, Dinner & Tip – A guaranteed second date, Polite Conversation – A compliment about my appearance, Transportation Costs – A voice note saying I’m “worth it.”

At the bottom, in bold: “Failure to comply may result in collection — via Chris.” Yes. That Chris. Our mutual friend who vouched for him.

I nearly dropped my phone. I screenshotted it and sent it straight to Mia, who was just as stunned as I was. She immediately called Chris, who was horrified that his roommate had pulled something this bizarre.

But then he got creative. Within an hour, Chris sent Eric a revenge invoice — just as ridiculous and ten times funnier. It included things like: Sitting at the Same Table as Her – Public apology, Pretending to Be a Gentleman – Three hours of introspection, Wasting Her Time – A donation to the National Dating Therapy Fund, Not Posting This Online – A generous thank-you gift to Serena, Embarrassing Me by Association – Two weeks of dish duty.

Eric did not take it well. He started blowing up my phone with messages like: “You don’t get my sense of humor.”

“You missed out on a great guy.” “At least I’m honest about my expectations.” I didn’t reply. Just sent him a thumbs-up emoji and blocked his number.

Oh, and the monogrammed keychain? I kept it. It now hangs on my corkboard as a trophy from the weirdest date of my life.

Moral of the story? If a man insists on paying the bill, make sure he’s not expecting a romantic payment plan in return.