A passenger train is creeping along slowly. Finally, it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking outside.

‘What’s going on?’ she yells out of the window. ‘Cow on the track!’ replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.

Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walking outside. She leans out of the window and yells,

‘What happened?

Did we catch up with the cow again?’

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The blonde wife came home from her first day commuting into the city. Her husband noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, “Honey, are you feeling all right?”

“Not really,” she replied. “I’m nauseated from sitting backward on the train.”

“Poor dear,” he said.

“Why didn’t you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?”

“I couldn’t,” she replied, “there was no one there.”

A blond was rollerblading with her headphones on. She stopped at a hair salon and asked for a haircut. She instructed that the hair stylist could not take off her headphones.

The stylist replied refusing to cut her hair, so she left. She went to a different hair salon and said the same thing. This time, the stylist agreed to cut her hair.

After a while, the blond fell asleep in the chair. To wake her, the stylist took off the headphones. The blond immediately fell on the floor, flopped and died.

Confused at what happened, the stylist put on the headphones. They were saying: “breath in, breath out.”