A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just sauntering around the zoo.

A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he got out. When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, “How high do you think they’ll go?”

The kangaroo said, “About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!”

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A Newfoundlander living in Toronto decided to visit the Scarborough zoo.

While there, he saw a man with an elephant act. The man claimed the elephant could look at a person and tell that person’s age. The trainer had the elephant look at a small boy.

The elephant stamped its foot 9 times. “Is that right?” he asked the boy. “Oh yes”, said the boy.

The Newfie was very skeptical and said so, in no uncertain terms. Finally, the trainer could take it no longer, and offered to bet the Newfie that the elephant could look at him and tell him his age. The Newfie accepted the wager.

The elephant looked very closely at the skeptic, then turned around, raised his tail and broke wind like you wouldn’t believe. Then he turned back around and stomped his foot twice. The Newfie stumbled back, amazed, and with a sound of disbelief in his voice, cried,

“Lard tunderin’ Jaysus b’y, he’s right!!!!

I’m farty-two!”

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Two men were in a forest,
when a lion came roaring towards them. One of them throws sand into the lion’s eyes and then runs. The second man stays, unmoved.

The first man looks back and shouts, “Why are you not running?”

The second man replies, “Why should I be running? You’re the one who threw the sand.”