The teacher asks Joanie,
“If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter and another quarter and then another quarter, how much would you have left?”

Joanie replies, “A million dollars minus 75 cents.”

The woman was very rich and the man was poor but honest. She liked him, but that was all, and he knew it. One night he had been a little more tender than usual.

“You are very rich,” he ventured. “Yes,” she replied frankly, I’m worth 1.25 million dollars.”

“And I’m poor,” he replied. “Will you marry me?”

“No.”

“I thought you would say no.”

“Then why did you ask me?”

“Oh, just to see how a man feels when he loses 1.25 million dollars.”

A 60-year-old millionaire was getting married and threw a big wedding reception.

The big day arrived, and he got married to his stunning 23-year-old bride in the vast garden of his 50,000-square-foot mansion. Champagne was flowing and an enormous team of waiters was flitting about serving the finest hors-d’oeuvres in the land. Naturally, the millionaire’s less wealthy friends couldn’t help but feel jealous.

In a quiet moment, one of them asked him how he landed such a young beauty. “Simple,” grinned the millionaire, “I faked my age.”

His friends were really amazed and asked him how old he said he was. “87!” he replied.

A lawyer meets with the family of a recently deceased millionaire for the reading of the will. ‘To my loving wife, Rose, who always stood by me, I leave the house and $2 million,’ the attorney reads. ‘To my darling daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1 million.’

‘And finally,’ the lawyer concludes, ‘to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me and thought I would never mention him in my will.’

‘Well, you were wrong.

Hi Dan!’