The teacher asked the children in the Sunday School class,
“If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would I get into Heaven?”

“NO!” the children all answered. “If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into Heaven?”

Again, the answer was, “NO!”

“Well,” the teacher continued, “then how can I get to Heaven?”

In the back of the room, a 5 year old boy shouted out, “You gotta be dead.”

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One day in a language school in Australia. Teacher: “All right, now I`d like you to make a sentence using the words GREEN, PINK and YELLOW.

Who`d like to try?”

A student raised his hand. It was Kukoya from Japan. Kukoya: “Early this morning, I looked out the window, I saw the GREEN grass and PINK roses in the garden.

I went outside and I feel the warm YELLOW sunlight around me.”

Teacher: “Not bad. Okay, who`s next?”

Another student raised his hand. It was Weng from Singapore.

Weng: “I try! I try. Can aaah?”

Teacher “No, no, not you”

Weng: “Aaaiiyaaa… let me try lah… I can do lah… you think I`m stupid meeeh..?”

Teacher: “Okay..

go ahead”

Weng: “This morning I heard the phone GREEEEEN…GREEEEEN… I PINK it up and I said YELLOOOOW?”

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My daughter hates school. One weekend, she cried and fretted and tried every excuse not to go back on Monday. Sunday morning on the way home from brunch, the crying and whining built to a crescendo.

At the end of my rope, I finally stopped the car and explained, “Honey, it’s a law. If you don’t go to school, they’ll put daddy in jail.”

She looked at me, thought for a moment, then asked, “How long would you have to stay?”

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Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball. Abe turns to Sol and asks, “Do you think there’s baseball in Heaven?”

Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, “I dunno.

But let’s make a deal — if I die first, I’ll come back and tell you if there’s baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same.”

They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. Soon afterward, Sol sits in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice whisper, “Sol… Sol… .”

Sol responds, “Abe! Is that you?”

“Yes it is, Sol,” whispers Abe’s ghost.

Sol, still amazed, asks, “So, is there baseball in Heaven?”

“Well,” says Abe, “I’ve got good news and bad news.”

“Gimme the good news first,” says Sol. Abe says, “Well, there is baseball in Heaven.”

Sol says, “That’s great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?”

Abe sighs and whispers, “You’re pitching on Friday.”