A newlywed blonde phones her mother and sobs,
“Steve doesn’t appreciate the things I do for him.”

“Now, now, dear,” her mother replies, in an attempt to comfort her. “I’m sure it was all just a misunderstanding.”

“No, mother,” the young bride wails, “I bought a frozen turkey loaf for Thansgiving and he screamed at me because of the price.”

“Well, that is being a little cheap,” the mother agrees. “Those turkey rolls don’t cost more than a few of dollars.”

“It wasn’t the cost of the turkey roll he was upset about, mother,” says the blonde, “it was the airplane ticket.”

“Airplane ticket?” What are you talking about?” asks the confused mother.

“Why did you need an airplane ticket?”

“Well, mother,” the blonde explains, “when I went to prepare the turkey roll, I checked the directions on the back. It said, ‘Prepare from a frozen state’, so I flew to Alaska!”

A blond had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.

“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”

“Yes, officer, I’m just fine.” the blond chirped.

“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. “Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blond began. “I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me.

So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree!

I swerved to the left and there was…”

“Uh, ma’am?”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.”

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.”

The clerk said, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?”

The man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck.

He returned a minute later and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.”

“All right. How long do you need them?”

The customer paused for a minute and said, “I’d better go check.”

After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, “A long time. We’re gonna build a house.”