When the manager of a men’s clothing store returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk’s hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him. “Guess what, sir?” the clerk said. “I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we’ve had for so long!”

“Do you mean that repulsive, pink-and-blue, double-breasted thing?!” the manager asked.

“That’s the one!”

“That’s great!” the manager cried, “I thought we’d never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we’ve ever had! But tell me, why is your hand bandaged?”

“Oh,” the clerk replied, “after I sold the guy that suit, his seeing-eye dog bit me.”

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Some time ago, a man had two sons.

As they got older, everyone quickly realized that Jackson was very sharp, while Blake was about as sharp as a spoon. They were both loved very much and cared for. As time went by, the father got sick and eventually passed away.

Jackson called his brother on the phone and told him: “Listen, I have an enormously important business meeting I must attend, but I will get on the first flight home. Here are my credit card details, please make sure dad looks his best and gets everything money can buy for his funeral, spare no expense!”

He wasn’t sure this was a great idea, given that Blake was… well, Blake, but he had no one else to call. Surprisingly, Blake took care of everything, and did it with a rather decent budget.

Jackson was pleasantly surprised and the funeral went well, if a sad and emotional affair for all. A few months later Jackson calls Blake again. “Listen,” he says.

“I don’t want to make accusations or nothin’, but could it be that you are still using my card for about $300 dollars every month? I can see it here on my credit report.”

“Of course not!” said Blake, insulted. “I would never steal from you, you know that!”

“Yea, I do.” Said Jackson, “But how do you explain these?”

“Oh,” said Blake, “I bet those are for dad’s tux.

You said you wanted him to look his best so I rented the most expensive suit in town!”

There are two buddies, one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, “Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.”

The guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.”

The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher says, “Just follow my lead.”

They walk over to the restaurant, and the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.

The bouncer at the door says, “Sorry, mac, no pets allowed!”

The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye-dog.”

The bouncer says, “A Doberman Pinscher?”

He answers, “Yes, they’re using them now; they’re very good and protect me from robbers, too.”

The man at the door says, “Come on in.”

The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, “What the heck!” He puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. Once again the bouncer says, “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed!”

The guy with the Chihuahua says, “You don’t understand.

This is my seeing-eye dog.”

The bouncer at the door says, “A Chihuahua?”

The man with the Chihuahua says, “A Chihuahua? They gave me a Chihuahua?”