There was this party in the woods and, all of a sudden, there was a downpour of rain and thunder. These two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the rain, and finally reached their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road.

All of a sudden, an old man’s face appeared outside the passenger window, and he tapped lightly on it. The man on the passenger side screamed out,

“Eeeeeeekkk! Look at my window!

There’s an old guy’s face there!”
This old man kept knocking, so the driver said, “Well, open the window a little and ask him what he wants!”

So the passenger rolled his window down and said, scared out of his wits, “What do you want?”

The old man softly replied, “Do you have any tobacco?”

The passenger, terrified, looked at the driver and said, “He wants tobacco.”

“Well, offer him a cigarette! Hurry!” the driver replies. So the passenger fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette.

Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down and start laughing, when the passenger says, “What do you think about that?”

The driver says, “I don’t know. How could that be? I was going pretty fast.”

Then all of a sudden, there is a knock, and there is the old man again.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaah, there he is again!” the passenger yells. “Well, see what he wants now!” yells back the driver. The passenger rolls down the window a little and shakily says, “Yes?”

“Do you have a light?” the old man quietly asks.

The passenger throws a lighter out of the window. They are now going about 100 miles an hour, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden again, there is more knocking. “Oh my God!

He’s back!”
He rolls down the window and screams out, “What do you want now?”

The old man replies, “You want some help getting out of the mud?”

1. My friend has a fine watch dog. At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.

2. “What did one ghost say to another?”

“Do you believe in people?”

3. “Where did you get those big eyes?”

“They came with the face.”

4.

“My wife doesn’t know what she wants.”

“You’re lucky. My wife does.”

5. “Room Service?

Can you send up a towel?”

“Please wait someone else is using it.”

6. I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it.

7. My wife told me to go out and get something that makes her look s-e.xy… so I got drunk. 8.

Daughter: Mommy, what’s it like to have the most awesome daughter in the world? Mother: I don’t know, ask your grandmother. 9.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it. 10. Life is all about perspective.

The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship’s kitchen. 11. One day while in a bank, an old lady asked if i could help her check her balance… so i pushed her over.

12. “Do you think I”ll lose my looks as I get older?”

“Yes if you’re lucky.”

13. I’ll change my facebook username to NOBODY,

So that way when people post crappy posts,

and I press the like button it will say NOBODY likes this.

14. “Has there been any insanity in your family?”

“Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he’s the boss.”

15.

You’re not fat, you’re just… easier to see. 16. What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing, they just waved. 17. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

18. Man: I want to share everything with you. Woman: Let’s start from your bank account.

19. “Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?”

“I ought to be able to. I’ve had 12 different jobs in four months.”