A couple in their nineties were having trouble remembering things so they went to their doctor for checkups. The doctor told them that they were both physically fine and advised them to write things down to help them remember. Later that evening while watching television, the husband got up from his chair to go to the kitchen for a snack.

He asked his wife if she wanted anything. “Could you bring me a bowl of ice cream?” she asked. “Sure,” he replied.

“Do you think you should write that down to remember it?” she asked. “No, I can remember that,” he said. “I’d like some strawberries on it, too.

Do you need to write that down?” she said. “No, I can remember that, too. Ice cream with strawberries,” he said, becoming a little irritated.

“I’d like some whipped cream on it, too. Can you remember all that? The doctor said you should write things down,” she said.

“For goodness sakes, I can remember that. I don’t need to write it down. A bowl of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream,” he said, now more than a little irritated.

Off he went to the kitchen. About 20 minutes later he returned with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife stared at it for a moment and said, “Where’s my toast?”

Two old ladies go visit their friend Mary.

They sit down and after a while Mary says: “How foolish of me! I haven’t even offered you coffee.”

So she gets up and gets the coffee. Some time later, old Mary says: “How foolish of me!

I haven’t even offered you coffee.”

So again she gets the coffee. Half an hour later, the scene repeats for the third time. Finally the two ladies say goodbye.

“Mary is acting really weird, don’t you think?” says the first one. “All the time we spent there, she hasn’t even offered us coffee!”. The second one looks at her in amazement: “What?

You’ve been to see Mary, and you haven’t even invited me??”

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit. “May we see the new baby?” one asked.

“Not yet,” said the mother. “I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.”

Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, “May we see the new baby now?”

“No, not yet,” said the mother. After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, “May we see the baby now?”

“No, not yet,” replied the mother.

Growing very impatient, they asked, “Well, when can we see the baby?”

“WHEN HE CRIES!” she told them. “Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?”

“BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM. O.K.?”